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FEATURE
EMR WARS
Triumph of the Clones
By Robert Johnson, MD
Got suspended the other day (actually a month or two ago; how verbal orders. Entering my user ID and super-secret ……… pass-
time compresses under stress). It was for real, my fault, mia culpa… word, I was accosted by a pop-up: Your password expires in 12 days;
And the letter came from on high — this was no branch office di- do you want to change it. I politely clicked NO.
rective — the Ivory Tower itself.
From that moment on, every depressed key elicited the same ques-
“All clinical privileges are hereby suspended etc, etc.” The sig- tion: Your password expires etc… NO, NO and H#*! NO. I’ve still
nature was stamped, not personalized, which I found a little dis- got 12 friggin’ days until it expires!!! I thought computers were sup-
appointing. “What did Johnson do,” you ask. Surely some heinous posed to remember things. Anyway, one thing led to another and I
crime to merit suspension — clinical incompetence, moral turpi- left town for a week. It was during my vacation that the poop hit
tude, drunken surgery? the fan and my cyber-suspension went down.
None of the above. Alas, it was far worse… unimaginable, in fact. Don’t know about you, but I’m feeling like the frog in slowly heat-
I allowed my EMR (electronic medical records) computer password ing water. The temp rises — imperceptibly — until we’re cooked.
to expire. Used to be we talked to and examined patients; now we tap on key-
boards. We’ve lost control of our profession. Non-doctors are herd-
Before you throw the book (laptop?) at me, let me explain. ing us into neat columns. Like the perfectly squared-up clones in
Revenge of the Sith.
When NO means NO
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Yeah, right. It’s actually WHERE ARE THE JEDIS?
I get that we’re not going back to pencil and post-its, but here’s
here and now in a neighborhood near you.
It all began a couple weeks before. I dutifully logged onto my my beef. No. 1: Have you ever noticed that the clones in Star Wars,
friendly local hospital computer to complete medical records and
26 San Antonio Medicine • April 2017
