Page 17 - SAM September 2019

PUBLIC HEALTH

dear wife of 57 years, Kendall, we both supported occasional suggestions repeated over long periods of time. One of
was diagnosed with dementia in (sometimes constructive criticism), early the predominate reasons I became a stock-
2009, after 53 years of the most on this became verboten! No longer could broker in 1968 was that the position did not
enjoyable and pleasant years imaginable. A I suggest that she left her glasses on the require writing reports or lengthy guide-
year later she was upgraded to Alzheimer’s kitchen table, when asked their where- lines. However, Merton commissioned me
disease by a neurologist. When she was di- abouts… she would often slam the door to begin the task of compiling our
agnosed with Alzheimer’s, I was given very or throw a magazine stating, “You are no thoughts. It was frustratingly futile until I
little information pertaining to the disease help.” The inability to predict patient be- asked God to intervene and assist me. His
and virtually nothing as to what to expect havior and responses overwhelms each response came surprisingly quick and for
as a caregiver. I had virtually no experience and every caregiver, for which there is little several months, I was awakened at night
with the disease either in my family or that preparation or resolution. and told what to say and how to do so…
of my friends. I did not know what to ex- I carried forward that which worked well hence Welcome Stranger, the only publication
pect going forward. Trial and error was the in earlier parenting years, not realizing that I know of that suggests the communication
script, so to speak. After quite a few what was successful with my children was and behavior of the Alzheimer’s caregiver
months, when things were getting worse, I unexpectedly rejected by my dear spouse of has an enormous influence on the patient
purchased a copy of The 36 Hour Day. It fifty plus years! and can actually contribute to a more tran-
contained hundreds of pages regarding the Could it be that I was doing numerous quil patient and in so doing reduces care-
disease but few dealing with caregiver stress, things wrong in my care for Kendall? It giver stress.
none of which were helpful to me. The took me a lengthy period of time to come Bexar County has an estimated 34,000 or
urologist spoke only briefly as to what laid to the realization that I was contributing to more Alzheimer’s patients and over 100,000
ahead for Kendall and suggested we con- the stress which I found so unbearable! I unpaid caregivers. Those caregivers have a
sider entering a drug trial, which we did. So, had frequent telephone conversations with 63% higher mortality rate than non-care-
for the next eighteen months we saw both my very dear and oldest long term friend givers, stark testimony as to the stress asso-
Kendall’s neurologist and the trial neurolo- Merton Minter Jr. His wife Ann was diag- ciated with the service. Additionally, 25%
gist every 90 days. The oral evaluations were nosed with Alzheimer’s over a year prior to of those Alzheimer’s caregivers are ‘sand-
rather brief and in Kendall’s presence, I was Kendall and we had frequent phone con- wich caregivers,’ caring for an Alzheimer’s
asked “How are you doing Mr. Macdaniel?” versations relating our experiences and the patient and one or more persons 18 years
Not wanting to create a possible con- overwhelming stress we encountered caring of age or younger. It is estimated that an
frontation, my reply always was “OK”. Ac- for our wives… a new and unexpected phe- additional 1,000 persons in Bexar County
tually, I was anything but OK! nomenon. We both began looking for will be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease
Caring for Kendall had become the something in print that addressed the mat- in 2019, and more in the years ahead.
most stressful, frustrating, exasperating ex- ter and frequently complained that we were It is hoped this manual, Welcome Stranger,
perience of my adult life. Boundaries that unable to find anything helpful. Our com- will be made available to physicians in Bexar
had worked for fifty plus years were no miserating with one another was beneficial, county, enabling caregivers to receive help
longer recognized. “Thank you” evapo- but did little to actually reduce the incessant beginning at the time of diagnosis, or soon
rated from her vocabulary. Traditional stress. It did permit us to each make some afterwards. Much has been written and doc-
hugs and kisses became offensive to her. modest changes in our communication and umented about the array of changes the pa-
She lost interest in her broad network of behavior with our wives, which was helpful. tient makes in their behavior over the
friends, choosing not to attend the several However, it was not until both of our wives course of the disease but virtually nothing
monthly lunch- bunch groups she previ- passed away that we realized how much we has been written suggesting the caregiver(s)
ously enjoyed for many years prior. Leav- contributed to the very burdensome stress must also make commensurate changes in
ing the house for an appointment became that we had experienced. their communication and behavior in order
a battleground for confrontation. What to After a number of phone conversations to reduce stress and rejection.
wear to an event outside of the house be- both Merton and I felt we owed our fellow
came an irreconcilable issue, sometimes caregivers a favor by identifying many of Sherman Macdaniel is the grandson of an early
resulting in not attending. When for years the mistakes we made, some of which were BCMS president who served about 100 years ago.

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