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WOMEN IN
MEDICINE

twice as hard as everybody else, not just because you are a doctor a doctor, right? One minute you are a mother and the next you are
but because you are female, you are a foreigner and you have an ac- a wife, then a daughter, a sister, a friend, and it never ends.
cent.” I did not think much of it, I honestly did not feel discrimi-
nated or anything; but I took it as a true statement. Every time I feel overwhelmed by documentation, re-
I went to medical school in a different country and to enter train- quirements, billing, collections, Medicare cutbacks,
ing in the U.S. I had no idea how to do it. I did not think about mi- and even when I receive checks from Medicaid for
grating to the U.S. before I fell in love and decided to take an $0.75 cents for a visit, I remember how much my col-
adventure and follow “my path.” Back then, I did not imagine that leges get paid in other countries for the same func-
I would always have to repeat “I am Dr. Vizcarra” more than three tions. It doesn’t mean that I don’t agree with changes
times during patient encounters; or that patients and their families that should happen at higher levels in this country in
would still call me ‘nurse’ or ‘miss’ or ‘la senorita.’ I would also often regards to payment systems and overall care delivery.
hear the phrase “you don’t look like a doctor.” I had to learn to let It is just that I feel privileged for what I do.
all of that slip as long as it was not clearly in a way to make me feel
diminished. I know better, now, that I will always be ‘A Doctor’ even Yes, we run, both of us. I did it many years ago just for fun and
if people don’t want to accept it. The hardest thing is to keep the because I can’t stay still, I guess.
reins and mark boundaries with patients and or families looking for I stopped running after moving to Texas because life with a new
conflict. It is an ongoing battle that comes with the title of female baby, a new job, elderly parents moving in and a teenager, finally
physician and, honestly, I don’t know if male physicians feel the breaks the habit. Not that it was not good. I tried here and there,
same, but my male friends don’t really mention much about it. hit and miss, and always with the greatest support from the main
After 22 years, five different moves from the Northeast to the person in my life “the husband” (by the way, did I say he was making
Southwest, a residency training, a subspecialty, academic titles, pri- his debut as a new stay-at-home dad when we moved to Texas… a
vate practice and group practice; I can say I have practiced medicine story for another time). Then we moved to San Antonio and found
in most settings including the most private and sacred places like in Ana and started talking to her about running for fun and to get out;
patients’ homes and intensive care units. It is here where you have she accepted the challenge and after early and late runs, keeping
the deepest conversations and where you feel honored or in the each other at pace through text messages, phone calls, etc. we have
deepest despair. It is here where you feel that you know so much done at least three half-marathons! Ana has turned out to be a great
and you know nothing at all; where you cry with people or eat the partner because she has consistency, persistence and keeps the pace.
bread they offer you; where you see the young and the old and If you go faster it is OK, and if you go slower it is OK. You can
where you talk about life and death. bring the full armor or be just barely awake with your old tennis
Yes, I have been desperate and I have left places to cry my heart shoes because it doesn’t matter what you wear. What matters is that
out for those patients and their families and for circumstances of you always stay strong, stay together and lift each other up.
unfair life. I pray and I talk to myself often and sometimes I call my Running is like life. There are ups and downs, easy trails, harder
husband. It is not easy to do what we do, but it is not hard either. It trails, both hilly and flat. Sometimes it smells beautiful like after a
is a beautiful combination of feeling useful and fulfilled. It is not light rain with a breeze that is thin and velvety and you see green
underrated to say that a passion for the profession exists – and and the most vibrant colors. Other times you go through a path
should exist! And we get paid for it! My mom used to tell me that with an awful smell, bumpy roads with many rocks that you have
it was not just a profession, that medicine was a calling, as sacred as to slow down for and watch your ankles. It could be gray and dry
priesthood. She believed in science, but mostly in God, she said. and cloudy and slippery and muddy, or hot and humid, terribly
When I lost her to Alzheimer’s over a year ago, after riding the ride windy or terribly cold. And if you go too far, you can get lost. But
and after seeing the text-book chapter of dementia unfold in front what will always save you is to keep moving; don’t lose sight of the
of my eyes, I did not know how to grieve. I thought I was prepared. end and, once you reach the end, then you start the next run.
I knew ‘everything’ that was expected. But facing death in my own
house was different. There is nothing like it, yet it gets better. I even- Dr. Rosa Vizcarra practices family medicine and geriatrics
tually learned NOT to rationalize everything and I am still working working for WellMed’s Palliative Care Program.
on it. It is very difficult for many reasons to be human and not just

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