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SAN ANTONIO
MEDICINE

The Time Machine Poem

By Alissa Roemer

The Time Machine Rewind
Time has a way of slowing down Play
just when you’re ready for it to speed up. Play
What if Play
I sped past this part? Where did the stop button go?
The bad part It’s gone without a trace.
the part I didn’t like Play
the part I didn’t want to experience Rewind
the part that made life hard to live. Play
Living there feels like living in a Rewind
time machine. Everyday is the same: playing old tapes in my head.
A time machine eternally stuck in the same spot. Just stop the tape they say
There’s no past, no future, just this moment of Place it in a corner of your mind they say
eternal suffering. Leave it there they say
The time machine is a cruel master to me. Why?
The time machine does not let go. How?
The time machine is relentless. I want to
I want to let go. I can’t
Let me go. I need to
Each day starts the same. I need to get out
I wake, Fine, help me.
I am paralyzed by fear. Fine, yes, I need help.
Can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t get up. Long talks, sterile halls, little oblong pills.
Surely you can get up. Suddenly a fissure breaks the time machine in two.
A 21-year-old woman. I’m free.
Surely surely you can get up—what are you back in second grade? I step out into the new world
Helpless, alone, isolated, surrounded, crowded, no hope, no light. Everything glistens under my watchful gaze.
Depression. Was this here the whole time?
Depressed. I cast a backward glance toward the broken time machine.
Depressing. Sad, dilapidated pieces on the ground.
Depression. Goodbye old world.
Each day is the same agony. Hello to the new world.
Little reprieve from the agony.
The time machine whirls to life
the only sign of life for miles Artist Note: This piece symbolizes the hardest part of my life. It rep-
here we go again resents how it feels to experience suicidal ideation, which is a fine term
the tape starts. to throw around in a chart, but actually represents a deep gnawing pain
My past in four dimensions plays all around me. that is almost too hard to put into words. This was my attempt.
Stop
Rewind
Play Alissa Roemer is a student at the University of the Incarnate
Stop Word School of Osteopathic Medicine, Class of 2025

32 SAN ANTONIO MEDICINE • January 2023