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IN REAL TIME

place he drove by himself was to the psychotherapist appointment. decluttering the house. The clutter was artifacts collected over the
I relived the anxiety that we all go through when our teenage chil- years from all over the world. Furniture, artwork, statuary and many
dren have taken the car out. I worried and called him several times. more that were given away or placed on estate sale. When it comes
I am sure it was annoying for a grown man. His management both to estate sale you must be very careful in choosing the business. The
by the psychiatrist and the therapist was gentle and a lot of emphasis one we had cheated us and to this day has not paid us. We had hun-
and trust was placed on his high functioning brain. He has no mem- dreds of plaques and trophies to deal with. The trophy companies
ory of the period from January till August 2016 even now except will dispose them off for you they do not recycle. Books were the
for somethings he remembers at random. Unless it benefitted him hardest to part with. I reluctantly gave them away thinking about
I did not want to try to make him remember. space in a downsized home. The decluttering feels wonderful, it is
Physical therapy for the shoulder was prolonged to a point where as though your mind is decluttered. I advise my age peers to try it.
the therapist was at a loss as to what more to do. He still could not I am writing this closing chapter for you dear reader. You have
lift his left arm above his head. The mobility and strength improved been kind in empathizing, patient in waiting for this last chapter and
exponentially when he started working out at home and after he a partner in the healing process. My heartfelt gratitude to you. I
started driving he worked out at the gym. Before the illness, N chose the title 'In Real Time' for writing, even during the peak of
worked out regularly. He got back into the routine again and lost N's illness was an important part of my wellbeing and strength that
weight. For the past three years he was gaining weight relentlessly helped me to care for N. Since January of 2017 I could not write. I
as his binge eating was out of control. N's attitude was heartwarm- did not want to remember 2016. But it is indelibly etched in my
ing. He was very understanding, cooperative and went at his physical brain. I wish I had answers and explanations for what we went
and psychological recovery process in the same methodical way he through. I will only be left with questions. Questions about things
approached his work, gardening and relationships. I could not write for legal, moral and compassionate reasons. They
By December the medications were discontinued. At N's request try to pull me into a black hole and I try to pull myself up like a
one medicine was continued which he wanted to wean at a slower gold nugget that is all the more shiny when taken out of the fire.
pace. The therapist insisted that he will benefit from having more It is said that it takes a village to raise a child. It takes a world to
control over accessing the computer and having a phone, in general heal a patient from a ginormous life event. First our children who
having more control over his daily life, I wanted to introduce these stood like rocks with us. Our son a celebrity actor was trying to un-
gradually as placing the controls in place was not easy. It took him derstand the working diagnosis FTD, he had more information -
two months to say yes when I was going to give him the computer thanks to google god, than I had at that point. Our daughter an in-
logging info. To this day he has not gone to any undesirable sites ternist and Psychiatrist bore the brunt of my constant questions. I
other than watching all the Trump escapades. I guess one has to shared N's illness with his siblings and mine. They cuddled us in
choose between the devil and the deep sea. their loving arms and eased the pain. We must have done something
One day I asked N if he remembered any of his behavior when good in our life to have friends who surrounded us like a soothing
he was ill. He said "awareness of what he did in itself is a deterrent blanket that uplifted the spirit and steadied the mind that was tossed
to go that route again". What triggered the excessive behavior, lack around in despair. We owe our gratitude to the University Hospital
of inhibition, poor judgement in spending will still remain a mystery and the staff and the UT physicians who saw N at his worse and
to me. In reading about it, this type of behavior which was a text- nursed him back to health.
book description of Fronto-temporal dementia could also be a part I bid you goodbye dear reader. Wish me luck, my story is still in
of bipolar disorder in its manic phase. "IT IS TREATABLE". This the making.
is something important for the readers to keep in mind.
N is back to his baseline which means he is functioning at his full Rajam Ramamurthy. MD
potential. The tragedy is that his brilliant mind is wasted. It is my Professor Emeritus, Department of Pediatrics
opinion that professionally he was cheated off his status, his earn- UT Health in San Antonio
ings, and his future. If there is such a thing as a poetic justice I hope
I live long enough to see it.
Now life seems to be on a fast track. What we were planning to
do in two to four years has been brought forward. We delved into

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