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WOMEN IN
MEDICINE

hustling to keep all pieces of her life in the air. fessional endeavors. It’s personal. Every success Adjusting my expectations and accepting the
And sometimes I must allow the less impor- and failure hits you right at your core. When figurative and often literal messiness of my
tant things to drop. I hold my son in the middle of the night, try- new life has allowed me to enjoy this time so
In all my ruminations about motherhood, ing to soothe him as he cries with an ear infec- much more. If our child is warm, fed, healthy
the question I had never thought to ask was, tion, it hurts my soul. Certainly, this would and asleep at the end of the day, we consider
“How will I maintain my sense of self?” As I’m not happen if he didn’t go to daycare. If only I it a win. My husband and I have found that we
sure every new mother before me has experi- stayed home with him each day, he would are our toughest critics when it comes to par-
enced, there is a part of you that grows im- never become sick. Such are the irrational enthood, and we often forget to give ourselves
mensely when your child is born. Your heart fears and self-doubts that creep into a parent’s grace. Our son doesn’t need us to be perfect,
swells to a capacity you never thought possible. mind at 3 a.m. he just needs us to be there.
You are all at once filled with love, hope and The perfect image of balance with my home As time goes on, I have realized my favorite
fear. But there is also a part of yourself that fades life on one side and work life on the other memories are not the shiny Instagram-worthy
away, or is at least put on hold, to return at a quickly dissipated. I was not prepared for the moments on milestone blankets captured in
later season of life. I have metamorphosed into guilt I would experience in these two spheres portrait mode. Instead, I cherish the happy
an indomitable multitasker. An imperfect, but of my life. I was faculty at a residency program memory of feeding our child from a spoon for
steadfast task juggler. This, I feel, is a the first time. I have also learned
more accurate description of my life as that the mom tribe is strong. We
a working mom. working moms continue our jug-
Motherhood, especially early on, As we juggle the gling act for our families and for
can be quite lonely. I was lucky to demands of being a our careers. I am comforted
share this time with two of my closest knowing that I am in good com-
friends from medical school whose physician and a mother, pany, persevering alongside in-
babies were born within one month the best we can do is credible women. These women
of my son. We spent many late nights empathize and support have been my voices of reason
and early mornings texting each one another as we each and my personal cheerleaders
other. I personally was transitioning when I needed them most. They
out of the Air Force to a private prac- find our own rhythm. are the bridge between who I was
tice, which was a huge change in my before I became a mom and the
career. Though we each had unique person I am now. As we juggle
circumstances, we had a million of the demands of being a physician
the same concerns. What would we do for for years, where I focused on mentoring resi- and a mother, the best we can do is empathize
childcare? What if our baby became sick? dents and modeling career development. I love and support one another as we each find our
There were countless questions and perils my job as a physician and would never want own rhythm.
ahead. All the while I was acutely aware of to give it up, but now I constantly wonder if I So, I won’t be kicking myself for not finding
how fortunate I was to be a dermatologist. am doing enough. Am I continuing to learn balance – I’m not sure I ever will. This new
What about the working parents with unpre- and develop myself professionally? The driven person I have become is stronger and more re-
dictable schedules and 80-hour work weeks? medical student inside of me wants to spend silient, and she knows which aspects of her life
How do they manage? hours every weekend reading dermatology are too important to ever let drop. Tomorrow,
This all came as a surprise to me. I figured I journals like I used to, and yet there are only I have the privilege of taking care of patients
had survived medical school, internship, a so many hours to spare. and making someone’s life better and I will
tour as an Air Force flight surgeon and the rig- At home, I experience similar insecurities. also get to see my son laugh, smile and grow.
ors of residency. I had honed my craft in aca- Is my son getting enough interaction, eating
demic medicine for years. Surely, I could the right foods and growing like he should? Brittany Lenz, MD is a member of
succeed as a mother. But as any new mom can Are my husband and I spending enough time the Bexar County Medical Society.
tell you, motherhood is so different from pro- with him at the end of our busy work days?

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