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MENTAL HEALTH
CHALLENGES

Poetry

By Judy Jordan, MD

The Wound

It’s all so complicated
Do you see it?
The dream, where did it go?
It’s there, right here.
The shrapnel pierced the helmet.
People don’t get it. What do they think we do?
The IED pierced the armor.
Do they even have a clue?
The bullet pierced the head.
I doubt it.
A family mourns.
A father is dead.
Sometimes I think they’re the lucky ones.
I know that’s not really true
You still don’t see it?
but
A-MAzing.
You see theirs; people get theirs.
I give up.
SO fresh. SO obvious.
Here it is again.
To ME.
You still can’t see it?
It’s the misplaced anger
It’s the wound in my heart.
The harsh look
The tense-fired reply
The unbridled rage The Pain
The rigid stance
The misunderstanding
What do you do with the pain?
The lack of compassion
What do you do with the grief?
The blind eye to….
Where do you put it?
On a shelf, high up, out of reach
It’s easier for them.
Or face to face, in front of you, swallowing you
They’re finished with all of this.
Or on a schedule, an agenda, I’ll think about it later
They can look down and remember
Will there be a later for me; there wasn’t for them.
Without pain.
Put it away; the pain’s too deep, too vast, too unfathomable,
My pain is endless
Too heavy, too crushing, too unbearable,
My pain will never be finished.
Too impossible to deal with
Put it where it’s safe, where it can’t touch me
Does it get better?
Hide it,
Better than what?
from me,
I’ve endured this pain for years.
from them,
It becomes more difficult each time
then it goes away
because
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
It mixes with the past
It begins to smolder, to burn, to be transformed
The past anger,
Do I recognize it?
the past hurts,
Will I recognize it?
The past rejections,
I must cry for them; only then can I cry for me.
the past pains
16 San Antonio Medicine • May 2019